Sailor & the 7 Ballz Part 2
By the mere utterance of the title above, there is much chuckling to be found, though several questions may pop up. Why does this exist? Why are you starting with the 2nd movie? Why are you giving this the time of day? Do you seriously think you’ll ever be able to top the Bondage Game review? All of this and more on this time’s Fucked Up Story.
My relationship with the 7 Ballz series came from an old anime convention where I passed by a booth selling hentai where a DVD with the name “Sailor and the 7 Ballz” engraved on it. I got a good chuckle out of it and ignored it. Now fastforward to Winter 10/Early 11 when I started the Fucked Up Story articles, and I wanted to gather a buncha hentai to review. With all the trap sex I’ve done at that point (and really Kuro-kun wasn’t all that fucked up….maybe to someone on the D2 Brigade, but once you’ve been in the deep shit of hentai, Kuro-kun is child’s play), I needed to diversify, which is when I stumbled upon two of them: Bondage Game (thanks to the requests) and Sailor and the 7 Ballz which I was curious in checking out anyways. I saw a Youtube clip of #1 and it was all slapped together and shit, so I checked out Part 2 and found it to be alot funnier, mostly because Part 2 didn’t have a Japanese sub, but rather was strictly dubbed by British voice actors/actresses, hence my attachment to the 2nd one.
Now just to make it clear, this is an entirely different definition of “fucked up”. While most of my other ones had alot of patently offensive material that would make Mother Theresa vomit, this is the sorta “fucked up” that one would expect from a really shitty movie, as if the creator him/herself was “fucked up” while creating this. No one could have created this series with any logic, thought, or attempt at creating anything worthwhile in mind. It’s probably the stupidest hentai ever made, however, it’s the kind of stupidity that is funny as hell. Sorta like the Ben & Arthur of hentai (and if you haven’t seen Ben & Arthur, watch it. It makes The Room look like Casablanca in terms of crappiness). So without further ado, let’s dive right in.
We begin with a guy who wishes his name was Voyeur taking pictures of ladies having sex, most of which are scenes and sound effects stolen from other hentai.
The above picture is the quality as seen in 7 Ballz 2. Below is one of their “Voyeur” hentai scenes.
After the 15 MINUTE SCENE OF NOTHING, we finally see Sailor Moon getting double teamed. However, a random spaceship goes to abduct them so her screentime ends despite Sailor being part of the title.
Because Link just wonders what GOKU’s up to (MAH BOI!), we cut to Goku nailing Bulma, which would really piss off Vegeta & Chichi if they were there. Once he blows his wad in her mouth, she tells her to swallow, but she spits instead, resulting in his skeet turning into the Dragon Ballz and crashing all over the place like a meteor shower, except instead of special effects, they have a British lady playing Bulma do the explosion noise.
A scientist then details the meteor shower of Dragon Ballz as if it’s some sort’ve Michael Bay movie with the rich detail of “Goku’s fucked up”, until a random sex scene lifted from a better hentai is added on the screen.
Luckly, Asuka Langley Soryuu is able to notify the scientist of his blunder, but because the blacklady hentai in the background is probably the hottest thing in the movie, this might be a disservice.
We then meet our supporting characters, which include a random convict who calls himself the “master of the Great Escape”, a scientist that jacks off a mouse (I shit you not), and the Italian mob boss with a stereotypical Italian accent tells his henchmen to act on the falling of the Dragon Ballz. However, because they are voiced by teenage girls, they decide to shoot up his plasma screen, complete with them trying to mimick machine gun bullets.
We also meet a pizza delivery boy who delivers a pizza to some runaway girls, a cute greenhaired girl, and a girl who just had a “fucking drop from hell” and wonders who the “moron with the lovehearts” is.
Goku is about to begin his trip after Porco Rosso lends him a spaceship, leading to the funniest quote in this video.
Random cars come by who Goku believes is the copyright police for their depiction of Goku (funny enough, George Lucas sued the company for creating a Star Wars hentai spinoff for Goku). It ends up being the Italian mob, who wants to join Goku along with the rest of the supporting cast sans the convict. Goku lets them all come along, when suddenly the convict shows up out of nowhere to join, as Goku exclaims “this film is turning into a complete debauchery, what a waste of time”.
They make a landing in a planet called “MyAss”, which looks like an ass, with houses shaped like asses.
If you’re wondering where the movie is going with this, MyAss is a planet full of men who have gay orgies all the time, led by Xerxes & Inuyasha.
Goku and his crew are in on these orgies as they are constantly sexed up that night by many characters, including the Strawhat Crew.
Goku finds that Xerxes keeps a Dragonball with him, but in order to obtain it, he must have sex with Xerxes resulting in him getting a Dragon Ball, the hard way.
The crew then escapes from MyAss in a long winded scene as they crash land into yet another planet, but not before they steal more work from other hentai movies. After the Big Lipped Aligator Moment, they end up on a planet with a tentacle penis monster inhabiting it. Sadly, Pizza Delivery Boy gets crushed & bitchy girl gets swallowed by a giant dick. However, there was no time for mourning as we get to see the green haired girl getting sexed up by tentacles.
I’m actually guilty of fapping to this scene. Of all the characters I wanted to see have sex, it was the green-haired girl, and even if she does look poorly drawn, I’d tap that…Just saying [Kanye shrug]
Luckily for the crew, they decide to destroy the tentacle monster by jacking it off, resulting in another Dragon Ball.
Once they leave, they find out that the Italian Mobster’s men were switched by shapeshifters (you can tell they’re different because they no longer sound like teenage girls). We then find out that they are……The Ninja Gays!
The scientist says that sexual submission is the only way to defeat the Ninja Gays, so he drinks a potion that causes him to make yelling noises lifted from Beavis and Butthead when he suddenly turns into Kenshiro.
Just about when Goku declares that the movie is turning into”a total free-for-all”, convict dude gets crushed by a giant Gundam led by several anime characters, most notably the cast of Love Hina & Kakashi.
Then there’s a full on orgy with everyone and anyone.
We then cut to another part when they steal other hentai as time filler, until the movie says “Fuck it” and a self-destruction button kills everyone on the spaceship…..that looks like a dick.
Everyone dies, another scene with stolen hentai occurs, The End. Nothing was resolved, the plot was thrown out the window a long time ago (I know it’s hentai, but if you’re going to create a story, an ending like this is a crock of shit), the animation was pretty shit (even if I did fap to green haired girl) and it doesn’t really serve a purpose. However, it’s because of all this that this movie is a guilty pleasure of mine. As an easygoing fun-loving guy that isn’t cynical or harbors a deep-seated hatred for almost every show ever made, this hentai is as fun as it is stupid, and is like the Ben & Arthur of hentai. One of those “so bad it’s funny” kinda ordeals, and probably one of the few Fucked Up Stories I’d be glad to rewatch.